I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
