Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
