Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize