I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
