I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
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Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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