im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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