you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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