My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
