So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize