i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
