She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
