bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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