She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
