Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
