do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
