I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my being single is dangerous.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
