If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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