There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
