So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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