ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
