In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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