I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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