i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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