But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
