i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
