Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
