His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Need sex. Gaining weight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
