Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
