Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
