i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
