how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
