Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
