Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think your dad took our porno
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
