yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
