i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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