Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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