he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
