You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
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no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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