No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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