We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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