dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
