A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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