omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
