apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
