Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
