also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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