upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
operation harelip BJ is a go
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
