i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
