She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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