is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
