Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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