Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
