i permit you to call me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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