Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's like heaven, but drunker
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
