I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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