All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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