Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
