So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
is it fun? or sober?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
