I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
