Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
