I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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